recent events have me really re-evaluating things
i really need like i need to go home for a little bit
like ive come ever so slightly out of touch with myself
i need to go to the beach and to the gym with janine
i need to see kira
i need to see my family
i need to remember why i came to england in the first place
to realise that there isnt anything in barbados for me anymore
even if sometimes it hurts being so far away form everything i know
and everyone i know
the people i know and love arent there anymore
with the exception of my parents of corse
home isnt really home anymore
but i dont have a home here either
i havent made a home for myself yet
im so happy and thankful for the friends i have made along the way in england so far
but its just not the same as it was with my friends in barbados
its sad that ever time i meet a boy i always think in my head "you can never possibly mean as much to me as my friends do"
even though i havent seen kira and janine for ages i think about them every day
every time something goes right
every time somehting goes wrong
i just want to be able to ring them up and tell her whats going on, as its going on
i dont really have the kind of friendship with anyone in england that i can just call them and go "omigosh i just saw a tranny in the supermarket"
someone who will just meet me for a coffee on a whim
someone who will listen to me blab on about boys and work and family
or people who i can hang out with without feeling like i need to keep talking
cuz scilence isnt awkward with them
recet events also have my feeling like i need to make changed with myself
nothing major
nothing personality wise
i just know ive let myself go since i got to england
and i need to start taking better care of myself
lose some weight, thats the main bit
anyway
all said, i am actually really happy
im in such a better place compard to this time last year
and a million times better than the year before
