here i sit on the loo, having a poo.

thats right, im  a lovely lady who likes to sit on the toilet in the morning

macbook on knee

pondering about the day to come.

i have to go and drive my aunt to gatwick soon.

then i might just come straight back home or i might go get some lunch with a friend.

i havent quite decided yet!

thindom is in sight

i fee prettyyyy oh so prettyyy!

well not so much but i do feel thinner!

my coat felt rather large on the walk today

and the foldy bit that usually sticks out at the back didnt stick out as much as usual

:) goood times

im gunna try NOT to have a second helping of supper tonight

i usually do... baaad holly lol. a small helping though!

watch this space hahaha

Vegetarian Low Carb Shepherd's Pie

2 medium onions

2 zucchinis 

2 carrots

lots of mushrooms

2 cloves of garlic

1 orange pepper

1 red pepper

1 tin of chopped tomatoes

2 vegetable stock pots

a big splash of worcestershire sauce

on top :

a cauliflower (steamed and mashed with sour cream)

a sprinkling of cheese

chop, cook, etcetera, assemble in a dish, bake

et voila!

yummy :)

 

yes siree

just went on a long long doggy walk

in the cold

down a muddy trail

down to the stream

past houses and fields and loveliness 

bali is currently chewing the leg off of a flamingo toy

then i got home and stripped off in the utility room (oo erhh!)

and changed into clothes from the dryer (pyjamas of corse, what else?)

ad threw my muddy clothes and coat in the wash

OOOHH speaking of coats

i got a nice new coat/jacket from tescos today

i know what ur thinking

tescos? ppfftt

but honestly its really nice

white

100% cotton thankyouverymuch

not polyester or something nasty

its kinda trech coaty

but nicer

ooo ee ooo

it was £40

is that good?

i thought it was pretty good for a lovely coat

the 16 came up just a bit close fitting

so i got an 18

which is depressing seeing as im a 14 in everything else

anyway they say you shouldn't get married to a dress size, right?

nobody knows what size you are wearing besides you

and its not the clothes that make you look fat...

its the fat that makes you look fat

ooo

according the the wii fit

ive lost 5 lbs since the 19th

would be good if i could lost 5 lbs every 10 days!

thursday 29th

gooooodmooooning cyberworld!

i'm feeling mighty fine today

a bit hayfeverish

which is strange seeing as there is no hay

liquid hermasetas are amazing

i'm depressed because there is nobody interesting to talk to online

im considering going back to stickam

my nails are still growing faster on my right hand than on my left

i chewed off all the nailpolish last night

i'm worried im going to damage them and then their going to split then im going to bite my nails again :(

i'm only one month into my new years resolution and im already worried about breaking it! 

ergh

i feel so restless

angry

itchy

aggressive

pent up

volatile 

mad

crazy

my brain feels heavy

what i would like to eat right now

• a big sqwidgy crusty half baked brownie

• some chocolate buttons

• vienetta

• cookie dough ice-cream

• any other kind of ice-cream

• a java chip frappuccino

• pan au chocolat

• chocolate cake

• cheesecake

• lemon meringue pie

• dairy milk

• malteasers

• minstrels

• white chocolate malteasers

• minty cornetto

• anything chocolaty minty cakey cookie like or brownie-ish 

enjoying a nice cup of chai tea

well.... im boiling the kettle

to make a nice cup of chai tea

which i shall enjoy.

im getting the knack of this pixelmator

its good!

i think i need to do a tutorial in it though

learn how to do fancy things

i am now stewing my chai teabag in boiling water

in my thorpe park mug

ring ring ring ring ring ring ring

banana phoneeeee

i dont like bananas.

i cant eat them

yet i find myself strangely attracted to them

not eating carbohydrates is affecting my mental health

and they were good

two poos today

goals

• go down a belt hole, making this belt too big

• fit into the new belt (medium)

• become 11 stone

• become a size 10

• control my appetite

• get a job

• buy a car

• get into a psychiatry program

oh and btw

i hate bananas

just incase you got the wrong impression :P

humm

tits im bored.

nothing to dooo

nothing to eatttt

cuz i dont wanna be obeeeseeee

today ive had 2 boiled eggs

broccoli soup

a baby bel

later its salmon and steamed asparagus

i do luuuurve me some salmon

but boy what i would do for a big hunk of buttered bread and some tomato soup!

.

i'm worrying so much that my stomach hurts

...

i dont even know how to feel.

i feel worried

i feel like crying

i wish i could be there but i cant

and i still dont want to be there really

but i want to help.

the police took my brother home at 3 am this morning for crashing my car into a pole

he was in handcuffs because he was being rude and violent

he was staggering and slurring

he told my parents he was sober

they didnt believe him

he called my mum the worst mum in the world

which is really really unfair

because she is the best mum in the world

they have done so much for him

spend so much time and money on him

and he just dosent seem to care

then he went into the kitchen

and cut his hand open with a kitchen knife

because they didnt believe him

infront of my mum and his pregnant wife

who found him standing there with blood dripping

im so worried

whats wrong with him??

i dont even care that my car is wrecked

he said he had been ran off the road by another car

which he blatantly hadnt

why lie

why not say

ok im drunk

i crashed it

i'm sorry

can i go to bed now?

ug

UG

:(

i wish i was there

number 3?!

note to self 

• you are lactose intolerant stop drinking hot chocolate

number 2

second poo of the day

what a wonderful life

om nom nom

so i didnt gain any weight over the weekend

which is good considering i pretty much ate 2 pints of ben and jerry's icecream

sharing what? lol

behemian raspberry and phish food

MMM

i repeat

MMMMMMM

but i gotta get on the weightloss wagon before my aunts wedding in February

which is why today ive had half a mushrom omelette for brunch

and salmon with steamed brocolli, cauliflower and peppers for dinner

yuumm

ive haddd.... erhh.. 3 cups of tea and a cup of coffee too

i weigh 13.5 stone

eh??

new belt too big?? what is this madness??

i'm making a quorn sausage omelette!

wii fit said i was a lb lighter than yesterday, wooot!

might just be waterloss from the pills tho

hey ho?

i'm down a total of 4 lbs i think

i gotta stop cheating on my diet

i had a baked potato last night

and some cheesecake

naughtyyy!

omelette omelette omelette!

i need a shower

i need to dye my hair

i dont want toooo

why cant someone do it for meeee?

my camera never arrived so i cancelled my order.

lets check my bank balance!

i've spent 200 quid this month

on the dot!

and that included paying for my drivers license application which was 54 quid

wheeyyy :)

my omelette is almost cooked

i spent 23 quid at stationary office?

i dont even know what stationary office is!

OOOHHHH that was my highway code!

ha ha

time to eat! :)

bathtime!

i just gave maxy a bath. got scissors and cut off all his dreadlocks and brushed him and sprayed him with pet deodorant.

not im trying to have a cup of tea before getting changed but ollie the cat keeps standing in front of me and pushing my laptop screen open so i cant see

gotta love it! lol

yes siree

smallest belt hole :)

new belt has been ordered!

WHEEEEYYYY

I'M NOT OBEESE ANYMOREEE!

wii fit said im overweight now

but not obese! 

HURRAAAHHHH!

-4 lbs :D

how bizarre

my nails are growing much much faster on my right hand than on my left!

having a cup of coffee and hopefully a poo before weigh in lol

i'd rather only weigh in once a week, i dono if its good to do it every day, but hey

teehee

• bust : 39 (-2)

• waist : 35" (-2)

• hips : 40" (-2)

a cup of tea and a goats cheese omelette for brekkie at 10 30. stirfry for lunch at 3 30.

wtf?

the ebay people sent me 2 more bottles of 7 day fat burner! lol

wierd

2 bottles for freee

wheeyy!

geeze

man im unhappy

fucking wii telling me im more obeese than yesterday

blah

day one

of the 7 day fat burner. 

just took 6 pills with water

then at 11 15 i'll have some omelette

and then i have to get dressed and go to bracknell to deposit a cheque

and theeeennnn doggy walk

and then i'm not sure

job searching?

i really need a job

sadface

i had a strange dream. cant remmeber it now. but i was washing spoons. 

i love kat dennings blog

for anyone who hasnt ever read it, SHAME ON YOU!

www.katdennings.com

tuesday 20th

i need to dye my hair. the box of dye is infront of me but i cant be bothored. moving on.

I did an hour and a half on the wii fit today, my legs are sore ahahhaa.

when i tried to do the push-up thing it called me a couch potato

im good at the aerobic ones though

jogging, hoola hoops, stepping, boxing, bla dee bla

my abs feel sore

if i had abs

lets re-phrase

my tummy is sore haha

last week:

• bust : 41 inches

• waist : 37 inches

• hips : 42 inches

this week :

• bust : 39 inches (-2)

• waist : 36 inches (-1)

• hips : 41 inches (-1) 

well thats not too awful is it? i inch off of my bust goal, my boobs are SOOO gunna shrink more than that.  4 inches off of my waist goal and 4 inches off of my hip goal. i can doooo it!!!!!

washingmachiiiiiiines live longer with calgon!

wii fit

told me i was obese. lovely! lol

its fun though, i like the aerobics and balance games. not so fond of the muscle training things.

hopefully it will work?

today i haaaaddd half an omelette and some salmon and salad. and 2 cups of herbal tea and 2 cups of normal tea :)

bad idea?

i just ordered some weightloss pills muaahaha. 

you take 12 a day, 6 before brekkie and 6 before lunch

and you are meant to lose a minimum of 7 lbs

worth a shot?

making a stir fry! woo hoo.

beansprouts, zuchini, some green stuff not quite sure that it is, tofu, teriyaki, amazin :P

today

we are going to get some sludge remover and remove the sludge and slime from the driveway. fun! lol
the kitchen is full of lillies. its nice.

pink, yellow and orange ones.

there are also 2 vases of red roses.

i think we need some more flowers in here hahaha

i hate

getting out of bed

weakness

i had a muller corner, some cereal and now im having some chocolate icing. i think its pms

AAAHHH THEY DONT COME OFF!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

as i was folding 17 pairs of pyjama bottoms, 2 pairs of jeans and about 30 t-shirts that i washed today to put away,i stumbled accross a pck of fake nails that i recieved for buying a pair of tweezers in bentals. because im bored i think, wheeyy excellent!!
so i stick em on n now i look like a cheap hooker. result!

i want to look like this again

tuesday afternoon

dog walk. i'm a bit sweaty, ew. lol. hoodie and big jacket was obviously too much clothing. 

i fell assleep really early last night. like, 7 30. i was on the phone for a whole 10 minutes then PLINK out like a light. Must have been the quorn sausage surprise. it had a few lentils in it. i'm not really allowed lentils.

holly:

bust - 41 inches (accross the boobs, not below, which i really should have measured but hey ho)

waist - 37 inches (dear god)

hips - 42 inches :(

holly's goal:

bust - 38 inches

waist - 32 inches

hips - 37 inches

that would be nice. that would make me a size 10. goooalll! 

Breakfast was some mushroom omelette - 4.8 carbs

a cup of tea - 1.75 carbs

some mustard - 1 carb

a total of 7.55 carbs.

12.45 carbs left for the day!

i've had 5 glasses of water so far today. and i'm on my second cup of tea. so thats really about 7 glasses so far. not bad!

oh, and a vitamin :P

tuesday morning

im hungry.

weather

its ghastly outside, GHASTLY!

my car is filthy

every time i go near it i get more dirt on my clothes

im filthy now too!

so i go to sainsburys to get some petrol

as i was paying i asked for a carwash thingy

but apparently my car and i are destined to be filthy cuz it was broken!

then i forgot the pin for my card

*sigh*

tofu and luttice

is amazing, omg!

376 cals

3.8 carbs

28.2 fat

hella bored

2 cups of tea and 3 boiled eggs.

that comes to 

•337 calories

•5.23g of carbs

•16.1g of fat

im trying to do the whole 20 grams of carbohydrate a day thingaling.

the boiler has been replaced so we have hot water on the second floor again, wheeyy!

which means i just had the first shower of this year.

no more baths, HAH.

i never feel quite squeaky clean after a bath.

dear job peoples,

please call me today.

thank you! 

British Gas

I got up at 7 30 to wait for the repairman, who was meant to be here at 8. its now 8 13. tut tut. 

My boyfriends brother is being stressy and therefore making my boyfriend unhappy :(

like, every time i'm there, him and his girlfriend are watching this crime show until pretty late, especially if the brother dosent have work the next day, but even if he does.

the other night we were watching a film, and it ended at about..... midnight? as soon as it was finished, the brother went and switched off the screen and then went downstairs and told HIS MUM, thats right, his mum that we were making too much noise and watching films so he couldnt sleep. this seemed a but immature and jerkish to me, if he wanded to sleep, all he had to say was "hey guys, would you mind turning it off/the volume down, i have to get up at 7 30 and i really want to go to sleep" and there you go, it would have been done. 

Never mind he dosent seem to wanna sleep when its him and his girlfriend watching a show or movie.

The funny thing is, the other night, my boyfriend had work and had to go to sleep, and they were watching a show untill about 2 am and they didnt seem to care about anyone else.

don't get me wrong, i really like these people, but i dont understand why he is being so immature.

they are 21 and 18, and i know sharing a room might be hard, but come along, they could talk to eachother, and his brother ratting to his mum and saying me and him were being noisy? your MUM?????

if you have a problem with us making noise or being in the room or anything all you have to do is SAY SO.

grow up and talk to us if there is something wrong and if you have a problem. its what ADULTS do.

4 to 1

its 12 56 on the morning on monday the 12th of January 2009.
I am sitting at the kitchen island drinking a cup of tea.
and thinking about my future.

things i want to achieve in life:

• go back to university to get a masters and a PhD in some area of psychology. maybe clinical, maybe occupational, maybe child, maybe counseling?
• have a crack at acting (optional)
• get a job as a professional/practicing psychologist
• rent a flat or house or a room in a house share while saving money
• buy own car
• buy own house
• get married (optional)
• have children
• open designer cupcake bakery and coffee shop (optional)
• retire and travel the world :)
(this list is subject to change)

In other news, I cant wait for my camera to arrive! wheeyy! excitedness!

other mini goals:

• become a size 10
• go back to natural haircolour
• become blonde, even if just for a day
• buy an iMac
• bury a time capsule
• audition for american idol or x factor
• invent something new

wow its windy outside, its howling and clashing all around the house
its a bit scary actually
i dont like it much :(
i wish there was a big strong guy here to hold me :P
bahahaha
anywhoozle i should be going to bed :)
i hope the people about the nursing assistant job contact me this week!

miso hungry bahaha

toby is playing with his new phone :)
i feel like i made him buy it though
he said he wanted a new one but couldn't decide on which one he wanted.
hey ho he seeemsss to like it anyway
i missed eastenders last night!
im hungry
miso soup?

so me and this girl megan are tetris rivals. every time se gets a high score, i beat it, and then she beats mine, bla dee blaah.
i wont let her win! haha

woozy

feel like ive been hit over the head
or i bumped it really hard on somehting
or im every so veeery very slightly hungover
when im none of the above. how strange.
i was having a wierd dream that i was making my cousin and his "brother" (in real life he dosent have a brother) egg and chips and scampi for their packed lunch. bizarre.
i was also going with my mum to get my aunty val from the train station.
there was something with my brother in it too but i cant remember what, and i dont think i actually saw him in the dream either.
i cant wait to get my camera :D
my aunty jen just made me a coffee, aww <3

wheeyy!

i ordered my camera! WHEEYY!
also, my instructor at the drivetech thing today looked like simon pegg.
i have to do a module of the online bit tomorrow, 10 am!
hooray for multiple choice questions
tuna and mayo is awesome
day 2 of diet, 42 inches accross the tummy. so we are down an inch. only 5 more to go? haha
size 10 here i come?
night folks x

celery sticks

are what im having for supper.
3 sticks with some dip i made out of half fat creme fraiche and whole-grain mustard.
not entirely bad
wont get fat eating this hahahaha

so i went on my drivers awareness thingy today.
talked about driving and stuff... surprisingly!
about what happens when you speed and stopping distances and stuff
was basically one big discussion
it was quite good
now i have to do 5 online modules in 28 days, and i can only do one every 4 days.
i'm still looking forward to it though. something to do!

:)

i feel  lot happier today!

its strange how eating can make you feel so shit

i've had 2 boiled eggs, some tofu with some broccoli and cauliflower and some grapes. 

i've also had 2 cups of tea and half a cup of coffee.

I have realized carbs make you depressed, sluggish, sleepy bloated. and they stop you concentrating.

carbs = BAD!

i want a new camera. the canon digital ixus 80 is.

MMMMM sexy <3

exercise yourself skinny

why am i so depressed today?!!?!

i'm getting a stress rash

egg only diet?

atkins?

1000 calories a day and start running?

maybe i should start running

you don't see fat runners around a lot

my pyjama bottoms are tight :(

i'm really really depressed :(

why can't i stop eating?

i just sat on my bathroom floor and cried for a while

i thought i was going to be sick

i tried willing myself to be sick

didn't work

i was being really good today untill i had a cupcake

why cant i do it

when i think about how i was thinner when i moved to england

now ive probably gained about 2 stone

im so sad :( i just wanna cry and curl up into a ball and never eat again ever

i think that there are always going to be overweight people

and that some people are just bigger than others

but why me

i think about it all the time, every day

ill never be good enough or smart enough or pretty enough

i feel like such a failure